So I am in a pickle. Or shall I say WAS in a pickle? I was walking down the street, minding my own P’s and, Q’s when I was approached by a sweet girl(*Lucifer) with an enormous smile. She was in all her glory decked out in her Girl Scout uniform. Her sash had like one million badges on it. I was blinded by all of the colorful accolades sewn onto her sash, announcing, with pomp and circumstance her incredible achievements. and wondered in her short life how in the world she accomplished all those tasks to receive all those badges.
I couldn’t possibly achieve most of those endeavors and I was a good forty-plus years, ahead of her in this game called life. Her sash reminded me of one of the Royals when they are in their full military garb and you know if they were wearing that in the airport security line they would most DEFINITELY set off the alarms(not like the Royals have to go through security like the average bear, but you get my drift.)
I was in awe of this kid’s poise as well. I imagined I was meeting the future star of something. She turned on that megawatt smiled and said: “Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?” I smiled back and said: “Sure!” She asked me how many boxes and pointed to her bag slung around her shoulder. I pictured her schlepping the bag almost bigger than her through the streets of DC peddling her wares. I saw four boxes and figured she was at the end of her cookie-selling shift.
I informed her that I was headed into the store but on my way out would buy the remaining boxes. She smiled even larger and sweetly said: “You are the BEST!” Squealing with glee and acting like I just offered to take her to Disney. (Ok kid, easy on the over-acting you got the part!) She adds that they ONLY accept cash. I tell her I will get some from the store. Turning I ask her how much are they a box? She says 5 bucks(WOW! Inflation has hit even the infamous cookies!).
Exiting the store, I see that the kid(*Lucifer) is standing there waiting with her beaming smile. I hand her the twenty and ask her to dump the boxes in my grocery bag. She says: “Oh they won’t fit and you owe me 100 more bucks.” I am sooooo perplexed! “I thought you said they were five a box and you have four so five times four makes twenty!”(Sheesh! These kids nowadays can’t do proper basic math!). The angelic smile turns into a scowl and she says in a less friendly voice: “You said you would take my remaining boxes. I have 20 boxes left on the table, plus the four in my bag, so that is a total of 24 boxes times five dollars a box equals 120.00 dollars, minus the twenty you gave me. So, you owe me 100 bucks more. She says pointing to a table behind her which I NEVER saw when she approached me like a Jehovah’s Witness or some other kind of solicitor.
The table is stacked with boxes and next to it stands one very angry-looking mother glowering at me. I sheepishly smile and attempt to argue my defense to the demon child before me. I state my case of agreeing to buy the remaining cookie boxes in her BAG! Which, were four. She responds rather assertively and loudly: “You LIED to me!” okay, now people are looking, and I am extremely uncomfortable. Mama Bear approaches and says: “Is there a problem here?” (Now I see where *Lucifer has learned her tactics.) I explain to Mama Bear the COMPLETE and UTTER misunderstanding. She looks at me with such contempt and says: “You can’t make promises to children you cannot keep.” (Thanks for that tidbit lady. I do have children!). I attempt to connect with her mother-to-mother and reiterate that it’s a lesson in disappointment for the kid(*Lucifer) to learn. But Mama Bear is having none of it. She insists that I pay up and take my twenty-four boxes of DELICIOUS cookies with me. We are at a cookie standoff.
I feel like I am in a cookie shakedown. I expect the Pillsbury Dough Boy to appear and haul me off to bakery jail.
Twenty minutes later, I am lugging twenty-four boxes of Girl Scout cookies home. Confused Husband calls and asks:” What are we doing tonight?” I share that he needs to get the folding card table from the basement and meet me at the corner because we are selling cookies.
Out Of My Head! 