Chapter Eighty-Nine: Ma’am and My Funny Valentine…

Valentine’s Day, The holiday has origins in the Roman festival of Lupercalia, held in mid-February. The festival, which celebrated the coming of spring, included fertility rites and the pairing off of women with men by lottery.  Sounds just dandy…

Now it has become a moneymaker for the candy and card business. Hearts and Love. Making those who may not have a significant other,  feel just GRAND!  I inform Confused Husband that he should feel privileged to have someone to share this holiday with. Look at all of those lonely hearts having a holiday filled with love and romance being thrown in their face, by flowers, candy, and romantic cards, emphasizing they are alone.  He sighs and says: “Well at least they don’t have to spend money on useless items.” I remind him I am on the Keto diet so no chocolate here. He actually leaps with joy. I tell him there are other ways to celebrate. Such as a candlelit dinner, movie, perfume, flowers, a nice bottle of wine. He sulks and  ever the romantic says: “Christmas was not too long ago, and you JUST had your birthday.”

Then he goes into his conspiracy theory rant about some guys in suits have planned this whole Valentine’s Day moneymaking machine. I inform him yes this is all created by ad agencies(guys in suits) and yes, for once he is on to something! I also share that now there is Galentines Day, the day before Valentine’s Day and this is where females celebrate each other. He rolls his eyes and says: “All of these made-up holidays!’ I remind him that although we celebrate “Festivus” it is indeed a made-up holiday as well. His argument is Festivus only consists of a pole. Furthermore, I point out that he never seems to complain as he is stuffing his favorite chocolates into his mouth every Valentines Day, thank you very much!

Sighing dramatically he asks me what I want, I answer as I always do: “Oh this year you got me a nice bottle of wine, a lavender sleeping mask, and my special tea.” He smiles proudly as though he has picked out the gifts himself. He then hurries to purchase a card to go with the FANTASTIC gifts I have gotten for myself, under the pretense he has chosen them. This is our normal Valentine’s Day dance, and truthfully I wouldn’t have it any other way. He truly is MY Funny Valentine…

 

 

 

Chapter Eighty-Eight: Ma’am and Boomer…

I am soo excited! I am NOT a Boomer! I am Generation X! Confused Husband, on the other hand, is a Boomer. I inform him of this, and he retorts: “You are an X’er by the skin of your teeth!”I tell him: “Settle down Boomer!”

Out in the world, I feel young again! I tell everyone I can, the barista who asks what name to write on the cup I say “Generation X!” I then call for an Uber and tell the driver to just call me X. I am revitalized, rejuvenated!

There is a pep in my walk! Some ladies are sitting in front of a café, I give them the wave of: “Yes, I am an X’er too! We should have an X secret handshake! “( Must Google how to create a secret handshake!) I want to tell EVERYONE!

I go on Twitter and now instead of cry, laugh at all the: “Okay Boomer” jokes! They’re NOT about me! I people watch and in my head separate the Boomers from the X’er’s! My how much older the Boomer’s look compared to us X’ers! I strike up a conversation with complete strangers and say things like:”Well, you know how those Boomers are!”

I have a massive hot flash on the metro, but I DON’T care! Because I am an X’er! Not an old Boomer! I feel a tap on my shoulder, I spin around(yes I can spin because I am an X’er!). Staring back at me is a millennial, a Generation Y she says: “Ma’am are you okay?” She has called me Ma’am, I am old.

It’s as though this millennial has taken a pin and burst my X-er bubble and turned it into a Boomer Bubble…