All Hallows Eve, All Saints Day, aka, Halloween is upon us. I think that I can speak for most when I say that the excitement and novelty of wearing a mask, have let’s say… worn off. Attempting to salvage the Halloween spirit, I suggest to Confused Husband that we get pumpkins and carve them out as we used to when we had a house full of children. Sighing dramatically as though I have just asked him to watch a tutorial on how to create the perfect eyebrow, he muses as to “WHY?!”
I share that maybe it would help us feel more normal in these uncertain times. He retorts: “Well, we are already wearing masks so; actually, it’s like Halloween every day!” I ponder this remark floating out there, made by this person standing before me, who I promised to “Love til death do us part.” For a moment, I visualize his face on a pumpkin being carved out by me.
I truly have always loved Halloween! The creative things you can do for this holiday have always been a joy for me. I used to love creating costumes for the kids and decorating the house. Obviously, this year things are different, and all the things we took for granted are no longer possible.
I did buy candy just for the house, out of habit when I was in the Halloween aisle in the market.
Remarkably, Confused Husband seems to enjoy this aspect of our “Faux Halloween” as he sits there, unwrapping and shoveling Reese’s peanut butter cups into his mouth. Watching him reminds me of those dinosaurs in Jurassic Park feasting on people. I am not happy with him and feel he is NOT Reese’s worthy, more like Candy Corn or Circus Peanut worthy. In my opinion, those are two of the most disgusting candies around. Yes, his punishment for not embracing Halloween should be only allowed to eat Candy Corn. He coughs, and for a moment, I think he has gagged on the ridiculous amount of candy he has stuffed in his mouth. It makes me think of those contestants in a hot dog eating contest, just heaping huge amounts into their pie hole without swallowing.
I have a flashback of him years ago choking on his vampire teeth during a costume party. It was RIDICULOUS! He claims to have PTSD from this, hence why he hasn’t dressed up since. He always starts with his tale of woe the same way: “When I choked on my fangs and had to be Heimliched by Frankenstein (yes, he tells this story with a straight face and with pained expression). Usually when he starts his ludicrous tale of schmaltz I leave the room because of its absurdity. I know it verbatim and hearing it over and over, it is not only nonsensical, but EMBARRASSING! There was a nun involved and a Zombie(it sounds like a bad bar joke).
With stuffed mouth, he begins his diatribe of woe, and I wonder if the sugar has shot to his brain and caused him to have this Forrest Gump moment of reflection on “How I swallowed my fangs and almost died.” I am trying to hold back the laughter, which he doesn’t appreciate. He bellows:”You were almost a widow!” I CANNOT take him seriously with his chocolate covered teeth and lips camouflaged by the peanut butter. He looks like he has those wax lips on.
I live in a cartoon, with cartoon like characters. Some days it’s like I am in The Peanut Gallery and other times The Simpsons. He continues about his”Halloween Nightmare” I chime in “This is mine…”