Has anyone else seen the crazy investment/retirement commercial: Devin and Sheila plan to hunt for fossils in their retirement? It pops up frequently and albeit I do not personally know Devin and Sheila, I HATE them! Their background or theme music is all chipper and upbeat!( But in the background of mine and Confused Husbands commercial is Chopins Funeral March!)
Second– Is Fossil hunting even a thing?
Third– When one thinks of retirement don’t ya think of an air-conditioned room with your oxygen tank and a TV? I picture Confused Husband with a GYNORMOUS magnifying glass viewing his stamp collection ensconsed in his favorite chair. His electric scooter parked next to him.
I really want to know who the hell Devin and Sheila are? What kind of life did they lead BEFORE retirement? Obviously, overachievers, they probably have very few friends and are collectors of rare wines that they don’t share nor drink because they are waiting. For what?!! They in all likelihood are childless and their house is like a museum.(They are able to have ALL white furniture and expensive tchotchkes.) Devin and Sheila have no pets, travel frequently, and host dinner parties for work acquaintances to show off their perfect, unblemished life.
This flawless couple ski, snorkel, and hike whilst posting snapshots of their postcard life. Sheila is an only child born into a home of a famous heart surgeon and a renowned child psychologist. Devin on the other hand hails from a dairy farm in Boise. He left the farm at 16 and reinvented himself. He used to be called Clay Fogg. He changed his name to Devin Frank. Devin is living the dream. (Yes, I have surmised all of this in my mind whilst watching this commercial for the millionth time!)
They have put money aside during their child-free, pet-free, impeccable life. It is painfully clear that Devin and Sheila do not nor have they ever had to worry about a new water heater, car alternator, car bumper after child number one backed into a tree while trying to parallel park, braces for child’s teeth, leak in dining room ceiling, college tuition, chemotherapy for the family dog, violin lessons, then piano, accompanied by soccer paraphernalia, class trip abroad for children one, two, three, and four. Confused Husband’s short-lived hobby of Parkour quickly followed by foot surgery, then a boot, last but not least six weeks of physical therapy.
I mean LIFE stuff that occurs in the REAL world!
Nope, Sheila never had to host RIDICULOUS Class Mom meetings at her home, where moms and dads came to eat, DRINK, and gossip in lieu of planning constructive events for their child’s class. (All occurring mid-morning during the week!) Chauffeuring surly teens around the duration of each drive being told:”Don’t look, talk, or act like you know me mom!”(Hoke had an easier time driving Miss Daisy!). Devin never had to go to the emergency room while installing a doggy door and receive stitches like (according to the ER on duty) ” He had tousseled with Jack the Ripper and lost!” Or STUPID family vacations to Disney World where we had to wait in line three hours in the blistering sun to go on a two minute ride because SOMEONE was too cheap to purchase a quick pass.
Watching Devin and Sheilas f@#$%&! Commercial again, I really hope that they fall off a cliff during their next “Fossil hunt!” A girl can dream can’t she?…